I need to stop doing what I’m doing when I build these bridges again. I really, really need to follow the instructions (no matter how metaphorical they are) and stop getting up to step three, then skipping step four through one hundred seven. I literally keep burning these bridges down because they’re still made of wood and I’m trying to use a blowtorch to hold them together, rather than a hammer and nails.
Right now, this bastard is a charred husk, if even that. A damn cough is gonna bring it down. And right now, I’m trying to figure out if letting whatever is irritating my throat do that is really worth all the trouble of holding back. If I keep trying to rebuild the thing, and I keep burning it down again, and again, and again, you’d think eventually I’d stop. I’m not getting to the other side. It’s not happening. I keep screwing things up on my own, and I never seem to notice until right after I decide to put the torch up against that tress. Next thing you know, the bloody bastard is up in flames, and I’m usually trying to pat every little ember out.
But now, I think I just want to let this one burn. I keep hurting myself, I keep hurting the person I’m trying to build it to. I’ve gotta either stop setting the damn thing ablaze, or I need to stop building it. And right now, I don’t think I’m ready to figure out how to do the prior.
God, my bridge metaphor probably sucks. But the point is, I don’t think it’s fair for me to even ask to try and rebuild this bridge again, even if, even if, the person would let me. Because that’s just exploitation, and as horrible a human being I’m fine being, I’m not going to do that to someone who I care about as much as I do this person.